Friday, April 11, 2014

Back In Time

"If I could go back in time..."

I have been thinking of this FTSF for some time now and what I was going to do with it. I had many different ideas, but it seemed that I always came back to one certain topic. I was set to write about it, but as I sit here looking at the screen, my body is freaking out. I apparently have some anxiety on the issue that I wasn't aware of. 

I don't have any regrets in life. I feel that everything in life happens for a reason and they shape you into what you are now, good or bad. I have things that I wish were different, but not regrets.

My sophomore year of college I met a guy. He knocked on the door to my dorm room one morning and it was all down hill from there. I am not thinking I am going to share much of our story here, but it had it's ups and downs. It probably had more downs then ups. 

This was my first experience with what I thought could have been a fairy tale ending, but I was lacking in knowledge and experience. I made a lot of mistakes and caused myself (and probably him) a lot of pain.

Our story ended almost nine years ago. It ended with lessons learned, wounds that would eventually become scars that would remind us both of our journey, but it didn't end with regrets.

If I could go back in time, I would go back to our story. I would write it differently. I wouldn't write it to where Prince Charming rides off with Sleeping Beauty, but I would rewrite it to where I wouldn't have spent so much of my time, energy and being on our relationship. I often wonder what I missed out on while being so enthralled in this story that I wanted so badly. What story did I keep him from? I know that I missed out on times with my friends because I was crying in my room, refusing to go out. Or spent more time worrying about what was going on with him instead of studying or preparing for class. There is so much more that I can't even fathom that I could have missed out on.

I will never get these chances back to see what I missed, but I do keep this story in mind as I write current stories. How do I want these stories to go? Will I look back ten years from now and be happy with the way I wrote my side of the story?

I wouldn't change our story for anything, and now look at my scars with fondness and strength.

What would you do if you could go back in time?


  1. You make such great points here. I was in a relationship for most of college and the amount of energy and time spent on it made me miss out on other stories I could have had. I never thought about it that way! But looking back, that time also gave me some great insights into situations and life in general so I'm thrilled it happened but at the same time bummed about what could have been...Love this.

  2. I like how you differentiate between wishing you had done some things differently and having regrets. I can relate; I feel like my high school and early college experience would have been much different I I hadn't been so invested in my boyfriend at the time. No regrets, though.

  3. Oh those old romances. So full of scars and pain and, at the time, such huge import, when later, we realize that the downs were there for a reason. Great ending to the sentence and thanks so much for joining us in the link up!!! Also, I have a tattoo that says "to die with no regrets" so here's to that ;)

  4. Hmmm. I'm with you, I don't have any regrets. Everything I've been through has shaped who I am. I'm sure there are plenty of things I could have done differently but I can't think of anything I am so unhappy with I want to rewrite history. Not anything I would have control over that is.